“I hate it when I swim so hard to the point where my legs shiver and I can hardly catch my breath and people say, you could have swum harder,” says my dramatic 12 year old. 

Dear readers, please in no way be alarmed, I am not in “Asian tiger mum” mode pushing my child disregarding her physical and mental state of mind. Yes these comments are aimed at me, but my daughter approaching teen-hood is now infact running out of steam in her chosen sport. In their early years, as children discover what they are passionate about, this enthusiasm spills over into their performance, be it at sports, athletics, dance, their eagerness and confidence easily brings to them to the top of their interests. Of course along the way these chosen interests can get difficult, they can get competitive, your older children now, might, rather than push themselves look for excuses. Every practice, every game and every test in school becomes a chore on your part to get them to perform. Of course you feel disappointed to face the reality of the talent forgone, the hours wasted, but all is not lost. Once you understand rather than fight the fact that your child has hit a bump in the road, it is more prudent to approach the situation with a plan rather than ultimatums to perform or else. 

It is important to understand that rather than a lack of performance, your child has lost that bit of motivation to push themselves further. Yes they feel that they are giving their all, but now the stakes are higher and the competition is tougher. They will fail at first hurdle, but it is our responsibility to bring them in strength to the second hurdle rather than fail in faith of themselves. Having the ability to perform is important but mind and motivation plays an important part in pushing the child and self further. Understand that your child is no longer the young eager infant, as they grow, their moods change and they themselves are fighting a battle within self to accept these changes. The journey into independency is not always smooth sailing and their moods compliment how they act and behave. Also in this age group, preteens to teens, peer pressure and acceptance by peers is immensely important. If it is not seen very cool to behave in certain ways, your child might revolt adhering to more behavior that is deemed acceptable by peers rather than behaviour which is more progressive to self. Our children can get lost sometimes and as parents it is up to us to gently guide them once again.

Here are some ways to motivate the otherwise demotivated child: 

1. Avoid giving power to the “reluctant behaviour” : As parents it is normal to easily get frustrated and yell and punish the wayward behaviour. But when one does that you give a reason for the child to rebel further. They are being shouted at and rather than conform they fight it further. It is best to make the choices clear to the child. For example you have till seven to do homework, failing which the child should be given some consequences and punishments. Or in the case of sports, set a time schedule by which personal best times are to be achieved and help you child work on them. In this way they have targets and rewards to strive for. 

2. Problem solving strategy : Obviously have a plan, discussed between both about how the present crisis can be over come. Yes sometimes our children can be a little lazy and personal encouragement is much needed. But refrain from setting ultimatum filled plans, take what your child has to say and decide on a solution. 

3. Removing the emotionalism : Being our children we are of course disappointed when they do not perform, since the heart of hearts we always believe each child can achieve greatness. But sometimes greatness is not the solely important, don't take it personally. Your child's happiness weighs in more rather than the number of medals achieved or grades acquired. 

4. Open channels : Always strive to keep the channels of communication open between self and child. These can be trying times and it is best to make your child understand that rather than being overtly judge mental you understand their situation and is always there to help. 

As children grow they go through various issues and trials in life. Yes those potty training days might seem quite easier compared to certain issues you have to face with your older children. But the truth in the matter is that every problem can be overcome and like everything in life it to shall pass. Happy parenting. 

By Mayuri Jayasinghe