Being single irrespective of whether you are a female or male comes with challenges. It is perhaps more difficult in Sri Lanka where one has to often live up to the expectations of society where people intrude on the privacy of single people and look at them differently – those who are single by choice, widowed or divorced.        

However, single people face many challenges, especially as they get older – loneliness,  managing household tasks and finances independently and navigating societal expectations etc. 

 We spoke to a few people to get their views on being single. 

Varuni Jayasekera

1. What are the concerns you have as a single person?

Honestly, I don’t carry “concerns” just because I’m single. It wasn’t a deliberate life choice — it’s simply how things unfolded. There were phases when my career took priority, moments when my mum needed me and as an only child, I had to step up. and then times I just wanted to explore the world, meet people, live fully — and yes, a few bad relationship choices along the way. Somewhere in that mix, I grew comfortable in my own space.

That doesn’t mean singlehood shields me from life’s tougher moments. There are days — handling complex financial or legal stuff, health scares, or even car trouble — when I wonder, “Would this be easier if someone was around?” But honestly, I think everyone, married or not, feels that at some point. Life throws curveballs, and most of us figure it out solo.

I also know my journey comes with privilege — a supportive family, a career leading to financial independence, choices I could make. 

2. Do you feel isolated or lonely?

Honestly, no — I don’t feel isolated or lonely. Over the years, I’ve learned to genuinely enjoy my own company. I love my little routines — solo lunches or dinners, trying out new places or going back to old favourites etc

I have an amazing bunch of friends who’ve shown up for me, and family who checks in. I have my tribe. And I know not everyone is luck y enough to have that, which makes me even more grateful.

For me, loneliness isn’t about being single. It’s not  about expecting someone else to fill a space within you. But when you stop waiting for someone to complete you, you realise there’s no void to fill.

3. How do you cope emotionally?
I have my good days and my bad—like everyone else. Some days, I’m proud of how I handle life on my own. Other days, I break down. 

What I’ve learned is that emotional resilience isn’t about being strong all the time. It’s about allowing yourself to feel—without guilt, without rushing to fix it. 

The truth is, coping emotionally isn’t something unique to being. For me, being single has taught me to process things on my own first—but that doesn’t mean I do it alone. I’m lucky to have friends who know when to show up and when to give me space.

There’s no perfect way to cope. No formula. No checklist. So no, my emotional journey isn’t a template — it’s just mine. And it’s still a work in progress.

4. When it comes to finances, are you able to manage without potential debt or depending on others?

Yes. Honestly, I think my financial independence is one of the biggest reasons I live life with this level of freedom and confidence. I was raised by a single mum, and watching her manage everything on her own — a successful career, finances, raising me — set the tone for how I view money and independence. 

She was never the kind of woman who waited around for someone to take care of things for her. That mindset rubbed off on me early, and I am grateful for it.

For me, my career has always been the top priority, not just because I am passionate about what I do, but because I knew it was the foundation of my independence.

Earning my own money and having control over my financial decisions gives me the confidence to live life on my terms.  Of course, like everyone, I have had moments of bad spending decisions or worrying about the future — that’s normal.  I never want to be in a position where I stay in a situation, a job, or even a relationship just because I can’t afford not to. That’s what financial independence gives you — options. And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

5. How do you balance your work and life (social life, friends, etc.)?

Balancing work and life is honestly a constant juggle — some days I get it right, other days I drop the ball. I love what I do, and when I’m deep into a project or chasing deadlines, everything else tends to take a backseat. But over time, I’ve learned that life can’t be only about work, no matter how passionate you are.  You need your people, and equally, you need yourself.

Now, I make a conscious effort — scheduling dinners weeks in advance, grabbing random coffee catch-ups, or planning a road trip with friends. 

At the same time, I’ve stopped feeling guilty about needing downtime. 

Balance isn’t about splitting time equally — it’s about knowing what you need, when you need it. 

People matter. Solitude matters. Both fuel you in different ways — and I’ve learned to embrace both.

6. How do you handle the expectations of society when it comes to relationships?

I’ve honestly been lucky — the people who matter most to me have never made me feel like I’m missing something because I’m single. Maybe it’s because they’ve seen how full my life is — with work I love, friendships I treasure, and moments that make me happy.

I’ve come to realise happiness isn’t tied to ticking off those boxes society sets for us. Being single doesn’t mean life is on hold. It means I get to live it on my terms. I’m not here proving a point — I’m just content. And that, I think, is what truly matters — building a life you love, no matter
what shape it takes.

7. In your opinion, what are some of the opportunities you have as a single person? (e.g., independence, building strong friendships, self-care, etc.)

For me, the biggest gift of being single is the freedom — the kind that quietly shapes your everyday life. It’s not about making a statement or choosing one way of life over another. It’s simply the ability to make decisions that are mine — changing careers, booking a last-minute trip, or spending an entire weekend in pyjamas binge-watching silly movies without anyone raising an eyebrow.

Of course, being in a relationship or married comes with its own set of beautiful experiences. But it also means considering another person’s needs, which is natural. 

When you’re single, that layer doesn’t exist — and there’s something freeing about that. I’m also very aware that this freedom is a privilege. Not everyone gets to make choices so easily — sometimes, life, family, or responsibilities tie us down. I don’t take it for granted.

What I’ve truly cherished in this phase is the space it’s given me to build deep, lasting friendships and invest in myself — whether that’s learning something new or figuring out what makes me genuinely happy. I

I’ve realised that happiness isn’t tied to a relationship status. It’s something you create, every single day. Right now, this life feels enough — and I’m exactly where I need to be.

8. Finally, what would you like to say to other single people?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that being single isn’t a waiting room for life to begin. It is life — happening right now, in all its unpredictable, messy, and beautiful ways. And you get to decide how you live it.

We grow up hearing that happiness comes from finding “your person,” like it’s the final piece of the puzzle. But honestly, no relationship — not even the best one — can guarantee happiness. That has to come from you.

What’s helped me is waking up every day knowing I’m responsible for how my day feels. Not anyone else. I get to choose if I carry gratitude, joy, or stress — and there’s so much power in that.
My advice? Don’t press pause on your life until someone shows up. Don’t wait to travel, learn something new, buy that handbag, or start ticking off your bucket list. Do it now. Fill your days with experiences that make you feel alive.

And if the right person comes along, that’s wonderful. If it doesn’t, you’ll still have a life you’re proud of — one that feels complete because you built it. Being single isn’t being less. It’s just a different story — and it’s worth telling.

Alefia Fernando  -  Lawyer  (NAME CHANGED)

What are the main concerns you have as a single person? 
As a single woman safety is vital for me. I live on my own and therefore even if I have an alarm system it’s possible that someone may disconnect it and to enter my house. Unlike overseas there are no regular Police  Patrols which was the case here during covid.

Moreover, privacy is not maintained irrespective of whom you confide in be it family or friends .
As you get older there are medical issues that you have to face Dementia, Alzheimer’s disease,  Multiple scleorosis, Parkinson’s disease  etc.  Even if one sells their property and decides to move into a care home. Will  they  take in a resident with these illnesses unless they have a carer 24 / 7 which is expensive?

Do you feel isolated or lonely?   

Those in my situation will feel so. 
However I have family and friends who are there for me and  therefore  I do not feel lonely .      

How do you cope emotionally?  

I have many friends and family members who are there for me. 

 When it comes to finances are you able to manage with potential debt or depending on others?      

I am self reliant  but as I am employed  in the government sector my salary is low and I do not have savings.  There are taxes to be paid with a rising cost of living.

How  do you manage you’re work and life  (social life, friends etc) ?

It is tough and something I struggle to do. It’s all about multi- tasking.

How do you handle expectations of society when it comes to relationships?            

When I was younger it irritated me as I was labelled a lot and it was an intrusion of my privacy.  However, now I have learnt to cope with it.

In you’e opinion what are some of the opportunities you have as a single person?

A good working life, taking a different career path, following one’ s interests. 

Finally what do you have  to say to other single people?  
 
“You must make the right choices and work hard at making it better for yourself.”

 

Erin Lowden  

What  are the main concerns you have as a single person? 

My main concern as a single  person widowed since 2021 with no encumberances living alone and  peddling my own  boat.    

Do you feel isolated or lonely?   

Yes living alone is lonely but at the same time stress free. I don’t feel isolated as I do things like gardening, reading  and talking  to  my friends  and going out with them.

How  do you cope emotionally?

There are times I get emotional thinking of the past but I get over  it because nothing is permanent in life.      

When it comes to finances are you able to manage with potential debt or depending on others?      

I am comfortable what I have earned and saved for my old age.

How do you manage you’re work and life (social life, friends etc.) ?

I don’t have much  of a social life but I like to go out at times with a friend or two and listen to music   as that is my desire. I play the organ and sing to myself.  

I have brothers who are  who are older to me but I do not depend  on them because God has provided for me.

How do you handle expectations of society when it comes to relationships?            

I take care of myself first before I love someone else.

In you’e opinion what are some  of the opportunities you  have as a  single person?

I am  ‘ stress free’  and there is nobody  to dictate terms  to  me –  I  do my own thing.          

Finally  what do you have  to say to other single people?  
Have self – control and respect an avoid  bad  company because at the end it is you that gets  hurt.       

By Kshalini Nonis