Being a single mom is not easy. We spoke to some single moms about the challenges of being one.

Questions

1. What do you think is the biggest challenge for single mums?
2. How do you cope with a job and parenthood?
3. What are its effects on your children?
4. Is it difficult to discipline them?
5. How important is a good support system for single mums?
6. Do you think that society's perceptions should change on single mums?
7. What is your advice to other single mums?

Shiranthi de Mel Wijayaratnam 

1: The biggest initial fear/challenge was wondering if I could afford to live on my small income as I had 2 sons. I made it.
2: One has to be very organized. I cooked for the week on weekends and completed house cleaning etc. on weekends too, as I worked Monday to Friday.
3: I do believe that all children of divorced parents are adversely affected one way or another. But as a divorced parent, just being there for my children and advising them as necessary, is very important.
4: I have always been the disciplinarian in the family and shown them right from wrong.
5: It is very important to have a good support system. In addition to this, it is important to make your divorce a “Lessons Learned” experience and share positive feedback with others. I have gained a lot by listening and have also advised many. The support I have is invaluable.
6: Of course. I have found that some of the “strongest” people I have met are single mums. Society should recognise that.
7: (1). Keep your faith - no matter what your religion is. I am Catholic and I would have been lost without my faith. (2) Be positive and count your blessings. Do not feel sorry for yourself. You have a lot to offer those around you. (3) Live within your means - you will have to make some sacrifices as you go along. I moved back to Sri Lanka after 38 years so that I wouldn’t be a financial burden on my sons - a very tough decision, but a necessary one. As much as I miss my boys and daughter-in-law terribly, I am extremely happy in Sri Lanka and have peace within.  

Seriah Perera

5: A family member, or someone I can rely on for advice, it makes a world of difference.
7: My advice is to be kind to yourself. Celebrate the little wins, no matter how small they seem. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it; you’re not in this alone. Take time to care for yourself, even if it’s just 10 minutes with a cup of coffee. Most importantly, remember that your love and dedication mean everything to your kids— they see your effort even when you think they don’t.

Selonica Perumal

1: The biggest challenge is finding the balance between being present for your child and fulfilling professional obligations. There’s often guilt about not having enough time for either role and pressure to meet societal expectations.
2: I cope by planning meticulously, setting priorities, and relying on a strong support system. I also try to create quality moments with my son, even if the quantity is limited, and focus on leading by example, showing resilience and purpose.
3: It can foster independence and resilience in children. While they may face moments of missing out on time, they learn valuable lessons about hard work, dedication, and how challenges can be met with strength and determination.
4: Discipline can be a challenge, but I’m fortunate to be able to co-parent with his dad, which helps maintain consistency and shared responsibility. Open communication and setting clear, consistent boundaries are key, along with creating a loving and nurturing environment.
5: A good support system is invaluable. I’m lucky to have a supportive family who have helped me take care of my son, allowing me to manage my career and parenthood. I’m also grateful for my employer, who was very understanding and supportive while my son was growing up. Whether it’s family, friends, colleagues, or a workplace that values flexibility, having people to rely on makes a significant difference.
6: Absolutely. Single mums are often unfairly judged or underestimated, with assumptions made about their abilities or circumstances. Society should recognise the strength, resilience, and capability it takes to balance parenthood and a career, often with limited resources or support. Single mums are not defined by their marital status but by the love and dedication they give to their children. The narrative should shift to one of admiration and respect, focusing on their accomplishments and the values they instill in their children. It's time to celebrate their courage and break the stereotypes that limit their potential.
7: Believe in yourself and your ability to manage both roles. Accept help when it’s offered and prioritise self-care—you can’t pour from an empty cup. Most importantly, focus on the love and connection with your child; that’s what matters.
 

By Kshalini Nonis