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An unhappy situation

May 02 2013.

OH COLOMBO! By Koluu

A recent evening I met up with an acquaintance’s wife. It was no secret that her marriage to my acquaintance was not a happy one. Most people known to the husband knew that theirs was a marriage not meant to be as the husband was not the marrying kind and would have been happier in a relationship with somebody his own gender.

Due to family pressure and a ‘what would people say’ situation most of these men are forced into a marriage that they actually are not interested in. Unfortunately, for many reasons parents feel that there is something inadequate about their sons leading their lives as single gay men. They feel that it is a great shortcoming on their part and that it will damage the families’ reputations, so they push their sons into a marriage not taking the consequences into account. The wealthier families find it easier as they threaten their children of being of cut off from their inheritance. Many sons do not wish for this to happen and, therefore, are willing to go through the ordeal of a marriage knowing that it will not be an easy ride but well aware that they could always find ways to indulge their fantasies after marriage.

Since we now live in a world of ‘money can buy everything’ it is always easy to find parents who are eager to agree to proposals and marriages as long as there is great wealth involved. One is also assured of a grand wedding which seems to be a must these days with wedding planners, receptions, florists, bridal dressers, designers etc. The part everyone seems to ignore is the happiness of the bride and groom and their future. Once the tamasha is over they are pushed into having at least one offspring to either diminish or deny the rumors and whispers at their own wedding. This is referred to as the icing on a cake.

Many among us would love to imagine that this type of situation is unserious and would blow over with time. However, it is actually quite a serious issue that is not addressed and results in families who are unhappy, depressed, cheating and lying, having secret rendezvous, and all types of devious happenings with many ending up seriously ill and some even suicidal.

Many affluent teenagers being educated overseas see the world in a different light in those countries, especially acceptance of their leanings, and decide to stay on and lead the life they wish to with rare visits back home. These are the luckier people but most are not and this hypocritical life goes on and many suffer. Some couples have an understanding and they lead their own lives but many with children are faced with loads of issues and are suffering as my acquaintance’s wife is and all she can ask is ‘why?’ “Why me?” she asks. Not having the courage to leave her alienated husband, educate and bring up two children since she knows her in-laws will be vicious and ill-treat her both mentally and financially, she chooses to continue leading a miserable life whilst her husband leads his secret life with a lover shacked in some other abode. Most children from such marriages are traumatized and damaged permanently.

Is it not time people learn to live the life they wish. In reality life is very short and in this twenty first century should we not give up this false sense of pride and vanity and lead a happy life? I guess this is a situation that will never be solved unless the individual has the courage to face up and fight for what he wants and not let family, job or anyone intimidate and rule him.