“I’m almost there!” 

“Even if I didn’t have to deal with traffic and could teleport, I’d still be late all the time. The only difference is my excuses would have to be more efficient.” - Jarod Kintz 

Sri Lankans have a habit of being chronically late. Actually, scratch that. We prefer the term “fashionably” late. Because let's face it, no one’s perfect. Every once in a while you’re bound to hit a snafu and get delayed. The operative words being “once in a while”. The problem occurs when EVERYONE plans on being “fashionably” - because in a weird, twisted thought process, that is a legit excuse - behind schedule, selfishly delaying meetings, coffee dates and just about every occasion.

We deal with many types of “late comers” on a daily basis: (a) Those who always claim to be “on the way”. No. You’re still in the shower (b) Those in constant denial “Late? Me? What nonsense - I’m on time!” (c) The pre-liars (d) The post-liars. No matter what type they are, you can’t deny that some folks have totally genius - albeit unbelievable - excuses. Practice really does make perfect - and since habitual tardiness requires varying responses - the lies have become more creative and elaborate over time. Laties are an amusing yet insufferable lot. They turn up with a ready excuse, blaming their tardiness on everything and everyone from their star sign to their pet to the weather gods to even their personality!  “I cant help it - I’m a type B personality noh. We experience time differently than the others. Science, ya’ll!”.

But some excuses are thrown around so much they’re now pretty irrelevant. Nevertheless, they are constantly recycled. Here’s why you were late today:

● You DID set your alarms. But they were inscrutably set to PM instead of AM.
● You have nothing to wear.
● Your head would explode if you didn't watch that one extra episode. The cliffhanger was too intense and was giving you anxiety. So you just had to watch the following episode to see the hero’s earth shattering discovery.
● Your spawn of Satan neighbor’s car was blocking your driveway. AGAIN.
● You’re just too darn tired. All that napping and watching movie marathons and eating is exhausting.

● You lost your car keys. On second thought, maybe your cat stole it - he’s been acting shady lately.
● You spent longer than you thought in the shower. It’s not your fault time flies when you’re in there belting out powerhouse performances and giving artists a run for their money.
● You got caught up watching a YouTube video on a “dancing man wearing a horse mask cooking wild mushrooms”. It was totally educational.
● You had last minute guests. And obviously, you couldn’t ask them to just up and leave.
● You saw this awesome 5-minute hairdo tutorial on pinterest and had to try it out. Only it took, uh, 40 minutes longer than you anticipated.

● You got a call. And you’re a law abiding citizen who doesn’t talk on the phone while driving.
● It’s raining - in your neighbouring town.
● It's too sunny outside.
● You had last minute work - it’s only expected to take 2 minutes. Tops.
● Traffic. Because there’s always traffic in Sri Lanka, right? Even on a Sunday. Crazy noh?

By Rihaab Mowlana