As a country guided heavily by customs and traditions, we often follow the process without stopping to ever wonder why we do things the way we do. Meet Salmah Shahnawaz, a 24 year old who until recently has lived her whole life in Dubai. Having planned her own wedding just last year, she gives us her thoughts on what it’s like to follow generations of customs and traditions.
What’s your first memory of planning a wedding?
My first memory of planning a wedding would be my own! And even then, I wasn’t as involved as my sisters were. I was involved in my ‘nikah’; for things like approving the location. The major role I played was in the guest list and writing the cards for the ‘Waleema’ which was such a task!
What’s your view on wedding customs and traditions?
As someone who's lived her whole life in Dubai, I actually had a lot of debate whether to go ahead with the wedding customs or if it even made sense. We don't have customs as such in Islam, which makes the whole process very simple, but being seeped in generations of culture that has been brought on by our surroundings has made things more complicated. I always thought - if it's going to make life difficult, why do it?
Following traditions in a wedding can sometimes make the planning process a little complicated, but do you think it’s still important to follow them?
Like I mentioned before, there were a lot of traditions I wanted to disregard but one of the important factors I failed to notice by not having lived here before was how important they are to the rest of the family. Weddings bring people together and it’s such a happy occasion so at the end of it, you need to see what matters more and set your ego aside.
Are there any customs people follow without ever knowing the meaning of it?
One of the things that really grate on my nerves is how everything needs to be done according to the approval of people and not the approval of the one who’s actually getting married. From the décor of the bedroom to the hijab style - and more - a lot of people follow customs without realizing they are only just doing what other people want them to do.
With your experience, what’s the one piece of advice you would give to anyone planning a wedding?
Communication, communication, communication! It’s so important to understand what both sides want before it’s too late. The biggest thing I learnt was to run through the whole event down to the smallest detail. And compromise. You are not always right!
Interviewed by Panchali Illankoon
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