Nowhere in ancient fairytales did the princess say, "I can get on the horse myself, thank you very much," nor did the Knight say "Hey baby, let's go back to my place and have some fun."

 

 

And at the risk of sounding similar to a sociology textbook, I will say that this fairytale discrepancy was meant to point out the difference between the old-fashioned days of chivalry, and how it has evolved today. 

 

 

 

On a recent online research by a popular relationships website the question, "Is chivalry dead?" was posed and received an overwhelming amount of responses on the topic. Everything from "chivalry is alive and kicking" to "it's alive but on life support," was mentioned. Whatever the case, it's evident that the chivalry of today exists in a different form to the medieval practice. 

 

 

Chivalry used to connote the characteristics of knighthood. It meant being courteous to women and being gallant. But in the days of Alicia Keys singing about the independent and strong “Girl on Fire,” men are perhaps in the soup about if their efforts at chivalry are appropriate, will be appreciated or even necessary.

 

 

And I don't blame men for thinking that women want to be treated like strong, independent people, because they do. Men are faced with a double standard where they know women want to be swept off their feet, and want and expect men to make the first move, but at the same time, they preach that they are strong and can be single for the rest of their lives.

 

 

What men don't understand is that women want to be treated well, and want to be placed up on a pedestal. This treatment does not lessen their strength or independence, but it's up to women to show that they want this treatment.

 

 

This brings me to an important point about chivalry. It was mostly men who responded and offered insight on this topic. On the same research, many men have stated that although they believe in chivalry, they feel they are making futile attempts at being courteous when their actions go unnoticed and unappreciated by females.

 

 

On one hand you have a woman who waits for the man to walk ahead of her and open the door, while on the other you have the gentleman who does open the door for her, only to have his date shout at him that she doesn't need his help.

 

 

So do women really want you to be chivalrous or better yet, is she worth it?

 

A common misconception among men and women is that chivalry is one-sided, which means that a woman can also take the initiative and do something chivalrous for her man, especially since the times have changed. You want to put yourself out for a woman who is worthy of such royal treatment, since this says a lot about her personality.

 

 

And then there’s the kind of women that induces chivalry. Or the kind of men waiting to be prodded to do something nice. 

 

 

And then there’s the problem that it's hard to tell whether or not the woman you are stressing over deserves your efforts of chivalry or will ever appreciates them.

 

 

Perhaps chivalry isn't about getting things in return; it's about being recognised to a degree for your actions and knowing that the person you are with will also treat you right. Chivalry is a two-way street, in which you shouldn't be taken for a ride.

 

 

In a bid to find out what people like you and me had to share about chivalry and to open up a starting point for discussion, we asked a few people about our topic for today:

 

 

Tamara Timothy: After feminism came in to the picture, guys became more ignorant and as a result they don’t even care to respect a woman anymore.

 

Niranjala Molligoda: Youngsters these days have been taught everything except the fundamental rules of life. Parents should not only focus on ensuring that their children get through exams but also pay attention to these tiny little things that matter.

 

Anisha Niyas: I find chivalry very attractive in a man, it is not because I am not an independent woman, I am more than able to take care of my needs. But a man who pays attention little attention to little details speaks a lot about his character. It shows that he has been brought up well and knows how to respect a woman.

 

Shivanthi Balaretnaraja: In Sri Lanka yes, chivalry is almost forgotten. Having been in the US for 6 years I see that a lot, especially among my and parents’ generation. A man of good breeding always opens the door for a woman, never sits with a hat/cap on in the company of a woman, pay the bill on a date, walks a woman to the door/car etc. But with the increasing number of women wanting to assert their independence these simple acts of chivalry tends to come across as being possessive and over protective. I would say if a man does these simple things for her/or any woman, it shows good breeding and class. Honestly I've never had any of this in SL, and none of the Sri Lankans I know do this, both here and in SL.

 

Chadwick Candappa: I think it is underrated; regardless females love these things but do not over do. Little things such as flowers, chocolates a dedication of her favourite song; anything that makes them feel appreciated and adored. The thing is a lot of males confuse feminism with a license to treat females as another one of the ‘guys’. They may tolerate it but and even if they do, they do not want to do so all the time. When you are with someone they should be your focus and what better way to do so than special little things like opening a door for someone etc.

 

Shannon Jacob: Considering the fact that it is something to do with actual knighthood, where it is the perfect qualification of a knight, I would say we are sadly lacking in knights in shining armour these days. Also.. it is a word that sums up courtesy, love, honour. We lack this in so many ways in modern society...and the few who have it are often ridiculed.

 

Shanaka Cooray: I guess chivalry in the modern day is not as relevant because ladies have over the years argued for equal rights and therefore would not be wanted to be protected and treated differently from men, however at a personal almost private level I think the ladies still perhaps like to be treated as the princesses of old..

 

 

By Reihan Stephen and Nivedha Jeyaseelan

 

 

What do YOU think about Chivalry? Let us know!